tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post5172091781600853957..comments2023-08-24T08:52:33.020-07:00Comments on Book Readress: It Was a Dark and Stormy Night ContestKelly Brysonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08324622421797199560noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-71789355402194925392011-02-09T20:16:17.199-08:002011-02-09T20:16:17.199-08:00Sounds good! I hope you got it subbed in time. Thi...Sounds good! I hope you got it subbed in time. This is very intriguing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-25799533691696646042011-02-09T15:00:43.973-08:002011-02-09T15:00:43.973-08:00Hi Kristi and K.- thanks for coming over and comme...Hi Kristi and K.- thanks for coming over and commenting:)<br /><br />K.- I've gone through 3 *meh* titles before finding one I love. Thanks:)Kelly Brysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08324622421797199560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-74823178900922726212011-02-09T12:05:33.061-08:002011-02-09T12:05:33.061-08:00Nice! I especially love the title, too.Nice! I especially love the title, too.Karen Harringtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13425141684712829990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-16867543410726844052011-02-09T10:22:28.365-08:002011-02-09T10:22:28.365-08:00Great hook! I'd keep reading!
One word change...Great hook! I'd keep reading!<br /><br />One word change...maybe switch "made" into "cast"?<br /><br />Christi CorbettAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-16723045522430127852011-02-09T09:52:39.334-08:002011-02-09T09:52:39.334-08:00Thanks Sarah:) I've rewritten it only about a ...Thanks Sarah:) I've rewritten it only about a hundred times. Not kidding.Kelly Brysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08324622421797199560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-82933792204412023982011-02-09T01:49:51.114-08:002011-02-09T01:49:51.114-08:00I really like the middle of the sentence. The outs...I really like the middle of the sentence. The outside world. Definitely have me intrigued by that. Good job!Sarah Billingtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08489242290456402938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-5264430027876693412011-02-08T16:17:49.311-08:002011-02-08T16:17:49.311-08:00I really like this - it raises so many questions. ...I really like this - it raises so many questions. Like, what's the Outside world, and what is the world our character is in? And why is the lantern lit, and where is our character going. Very cool!Trishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16927558937796802496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-40394934492484146912011-02-08T16:10:10.332-08:002011-02-08T16:10:10.332-08:00oh wow - I really like this line. I have nothing ...oh wow - I really like this line. I have nothing that I could change. VERY interesting!!<br /><br />Good luck!<br />CorinneCorinne Ohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02808893058098769844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-2696077005264820492011-02-08T16:07:14.181-08:002011-02-08T16:07:14.181-08:00I really like this first line. I stopped by for th...I really like this first line. I stopped by for the blogfrest and decided to follow.<br /><a rel="nofollow">bethfred.com</a>Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-75118721605218672692011-02-08T14:04:44.332-08:002011-02-08T14:04:44.332-08:00Thanks everybody! This is really fun:)Thanks everybody! This is really fun:)Kelly Brysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08324622421797199560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-46947479216962184402011-02-08T11:31:40.385-08:002011-02-08T11:31:40.385-08:00Supposed to say...few things Mother...ooops!Supposed to say...few things Mother...ooops!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-76237866134931623152011-02-08T11:30:54.324-08:002011-02-08T11:30:54.324-08:00I really think you have very intriguing things her...I really think you have very intriguing things here! What if you punch it up...<br /><br />There were few Mother salvaged from the Outside world.<br /><br />Idk! Sounds very coolAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-11136682851360100692011-02-08T11:13:08.748-08:002011-02-08T11:13:08.748-08:00Oooh, I'm intrigued by the "Outside"...Oooh, I'm intrigued by the "Outside" world. Nice.Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-11394521038958386832011-02-08T09:43:58.169-08:002011-02-08T09:43:58.169-08:00Great job on this. I could see splitting it into t...Great job on this. I could see splitting it into two sentences - that the lantern was one of the few things her mother had salvaged and putting that it was casting a halo of light in the second sentence because it seems less significan there. But it also works as it standsLoralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-31359982044117006562011-02-08T08:19:08.663-08:002011-02-08T08:19:08.663-08:00Sorry, I tried and tried to poke a hole in it, but...Sorry, I tried and tried to poke a hole in it, but I can't. It's a good first line. Now where's the second? You're so mean. ;)Ben Spendlovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17715176546668792509noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-54914987351821464642011-02-08T07:24:24.813-08:002011-02-08T07:24:24.813-08:00Nice! Now I want to know what the outside world is...Nice! Now I want to know what the outside world is. I like it. Great job!Rane Andersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09885933926972080089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-61884279098725845242011-02-07T20:44:04.761-08:002011-02-07T20:44:04.761-08:00This is a very intriguing. The "made a halo o...This is a very intriguing. The "made a halo of light around my feet" is a great way to describe the scene.<br /><br />Good job, I look forward to reading more.Jennifer McFaddenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01636967529036754988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-67447362955051400572011-02-07T19:57:37.973-08:002011-02-07T19:57:37.973-08:00Ok, this one I like.
Nice and clean, not cluttered...Ok, this one I like.<br />Nice and clean, not cluttered with unnecessary adjectives and adverbs, it intrigues AND sets the scene.<br />Good job.C Scott Morrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17681085967877732728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6312598758657459224.post-4180377711637808202011-02-07T17:13:11.260-08:002011-02-07T17:13:11.260-08:00I'm hooked because I want to know where they a...I'm hooked because I want to know where they are. I like the last description as well, "made a halo of light around my feet."<br />The only thing that makes me question is the "one of many things..." I'm thinking it might only be a few things instead. Then it makes the lantern more valuable, precious...just my thoughts on that.<br />I'd want to read more.MaDonna Maurerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04157381592556792198noreply@blogger.com