Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Obstacle or Opportunity?

In theory, there should be more time to write in summer. No lunches to pack, homework to do, activities or practices to drive anyone to. But it's SUMMER. Which means fun family time. In addition to my own kids, I had a niece and my little sister come visit (which we all loved), then an exchange student from Spain (Marcos, we miss you, still). Out of 10 weeks, someone extra was in our house for 7 (Or we were visiting them).

Plus, we're still doing lots of projects around the house (Emma has window treatments and her room is painted, and we FINALLY installed a light kit and no wires are exposed!)

It would be easy-so very very easy- to get frustrated about the distractions of life. I just want to write the scene and be done! Why can't I just have a few hours of quiet???

So, I was given a wake up call.

Last week, I was privileged to become the leader of the Young Women's organization in our ward (or congregation.) In the Mormon church, a person is always given a special blessing to help them be able to fulfill their new responsibilities, called "setting apart." During this blessing, I was promised many things- strength and insight into the girls so that I will be able to support them and love them, and also that the desires of my heart will be realized.

Sometimes my mind feels like it's exploding during blessings, racing to understand, and this was one of those times. What is the desire of my heart? Is it to be published? Is it for my family to be close to the Savior, for all of us to return together to Heavenly Father? I'm a convert, so there are so many beloved family members that I have pined to share my faith with. Do I have to choose between these desires?

I hope not. I'm sure he wouldn't want me to stop loving and supporting my family. Would Heavenly Father want me to give up writing? Writing is about sharing my hopes and optimism for people, it's an expression of love. Right?

And yet, I can't begin to compare how I would feel to fail at the second (family) with how it would feel to fail at the first (publishing).

Which is not to say that I will stop writing, not a chance, but hopefully I won't be so grumpy when the kids interrupt sacred writing time over stupid stuff like somebody bleeding. ("Is your arm broken? No? Is someone going to die unless I come out right now? No? Then go away until my writing time is up. Does that come across as selfish, or is that establishing healthy boundaries? lol)

Anyway, I'm trying to find that balance again. I've decided that Jojo learning letters via Wii internet doesn't count as video game time, and that's made my days a little less guilty with a lonely 4yo at home. He was crying today that Eli (7yo) went to school and can't play with him. Luckily we are starting preschool co-op soon...

More soon. Because school is back in session and the Wii is warmed up and ready to go:)


  1. Congratulations on your new calling - I loved being in YW! I've been wondering the same thing these past few days. How much time do I want to spend writing and all the social networking that goes into it, mixed in with the family illnesses and Noah's baptism.

    I hope we both find the right balance of writing and family/spiritual growth; and I think that is what our hearts desire most: balance. :)

  2. Congratulations! I used to feel sorry for people drafted to become youth advisors. But it's not so bad. In fact, it's a lot of fun. Now I just feel sorry for their spouses. ;)

    I think I know exactly how you feel about the "desires of your heart" thing.

  3. Way to see the silver lining, Kelly, and I'm so glad you were finally set apart. So often, we understand the meanings of certain phrases only after we've seen their fulfillment, and I'm sure that's what will happen here.

    Wishing you the very best as you work on finding that new balance between family, church, and writing. I wish I could take a few hours out of my day and send them to you. Sounds like you could use them more:)

  4. Jen- thanks. I love serving in YW- I've been in there in some capacity for about 7 years out of 13 yrs in the church, so it's a comfortable place for me, and I love the girls so much. Balancing has always been the tricky part for me with my obsessive reading habits;)

    Ben- my hubby would definately agree that you should feel sorry for him:)

    And Krista, I think you're right, this will all make sense in hindsight. Here's hoping! And if you could figure out how to send me some hours, I'd take them! srsly, though, I have some great counselors and everything is going well. Thanks guys!

  5. I love the youth in our ward. Congrats on your calling!

    I have a lonely four-year-old at home, too. Sometimes it's fun, and sometimes she finds a pair a scissors and cuts things up, if I try to write during the day. I hope you find your balance without feeling guilty about it.

  6. And think what a great opportunity this will be to watch and listen to teenagers! I predict that your next novel will be YA. ;)

  7. Myrna- Jojo has never cut anything up he shouldn't. Thanks for bringing that to my attention;) Our preschool co-op started today and he's so excited. And as a matter of fact, my next novel is YA. You're psychic!