Don't Wring Your Hands!!!

What to do when you are rejected:

1. Refresh your email to make sure it wasn't a mistake.
2. Find something to get angry about. You know it's in there. "This is a form rejection!!! I bet they didn't even read it!!!" OR "This criticism is too vague to even help me!!!"  OR "This criticism is specific, but it could apply to chapter one or chapter twenty-one!!!" Regardless of how your anger expresses itself, remember to use exclamation marks. Lots of them. We all know there's no better revenge against an agent than multiple exclamation points. Oh, yes. We have our weapons, too.
3. Read the rejection again. If it's an email, print it just so you can have the satisfaction of balling it up and throwing it in the trash, or setting it on fire, if you run like that.
4. Cry a lot, and make sure to tell people how devastated you are, and how cruel the publishing industry is. Facebook is very helpful in this regard. Don't worry about being an emo. Your true friends will want to know what you're going through.
5. Shoot an email to your crit partner crying about number two above. Delete them from your address book if they reply and tell you someone else will be interested. After all, this is their fault for not telling you what you needed to fix in the first place!
6. Get a milkshake. That's the drink I'd feel most guilty about drinking that I'd actually drink, but I'm sure you will adjust the beverage to fit your own personal demons. Get fat/drunk/stoned. That will show them!!!
7. Make sure not to write anything constructive for a few days. Mull over the rejection for many hours. Accept that you suck and you'll never be published. And everybody who ever said they loved your story has bad taste in literature and is a pathological liar. They're all out to get you.
8. OR Make the suggested changes, if the agent was jerky enough to provide any feedback. Stay up all night if that's what it takes. Email the agent back and ask them to look at your revisions. They'll be impressed with your passion, I promise. You might be willing to forgive the agent if they see the error of their ways.
9. If some idiot tells you that you're not being very professional, remind them that you would like to be a professional, but you keep getting rejected! What kind of a trap is that? This is a good spot to use any short words based in Anglo-Saxon. 

Yes, I got a rejection. It was actually extremely helpful, and I still cried. A lot. I emailed a crit partner. I was frustrated. And then I got on with my life. If you're querying, you can't afford to lose a whole day of writing every time someone doesn't like your book. Because how will you be able to write EVER when you finally are published? Have you read any reviews on Amazon lately? Even books I love have pros and cons.

Seriously. Pick the last book that you really liked and go read the reviews. Unless you read Narnia, I guarantee you someone hated it. I was shocked that not everyone loved The Queen of Attolia. There are 58 reviews of The Queen of Attolia, and 6 are very negative. What are these people thinking? That's one of the best books I've ever read! Read the bad reviews. Laugh about how they didn't get it and remember again that there's a lot of subjectiveness in this business.

I am taking querying very slowly, and I think this has been a good thing for me. "Pulse" is my first book, and I've been fortunate enough to receive feedback from some of the agents I've contacted. The criticisms I got yesterday were very hard to hear, but now that I've gone through my stages of grief, I can see that she was right. It's very good that I didn't send out queries to all the agents on my list at once, because I still have lots of options, and that feels great. I plan on taking a few weeks to think about the criticism recieved, then fix it. I'll work on another project in the meantime.

So, when you get a rejection, keep breathing. Cry. Get it out, and get on with your life. I find doing something non writing related for a while helps, like playing piano or taking the kids to the park, or cleaning the disaster that was my kitchen.

Something to think about, though: If you query ten agents a month and lose a day with every rejection, you've cut down your writing time by a third. That would really be a shame, wouldn't it? Good luck, friends.
Glutton for Punishment?

What keeps you up at night?

I'm ready to admit that I'm terrified of messing up my search for an agent.

It's the way that the timing is out of my control that kills me. Let's say, for instance, that I have a partial out to an agent that takes a full 6 weeks to read 50 pages. And then let's say that a new agent comes on the market, someone with decades of experience in the industry, and I fire off a query letter, thinking basically that New, Experienced Agent wouldn't want me, but I'll give it a shot. And then she requests a full, and she's got superfast turnaround.

Then say that a non-query email with a likewise New But Extremely Talented Agent leads to that agent asking what I write, and I tell her, and she says to send her a partial, too.

This would all be really awesome, right? Except I don't know how to handle this. I know it's silly to worry about it, because reading is not offering representation, not at all, but what if New Experienced Agent or New But Extremely Talented Agent offer representation? Do I wait for Super Yet Slow Agent to get back to me? Do I send them an email and hope they will get back to me soon enough that I don't look like a total butthead to N.E.A. or N.B.E.T.A.?

That is what I worry about. Looking like a jerk. That and not having an amazing relationship with my agent. I want to know that their input helped me to take it up a notch. I want an agent that gets who I am and what I'm about. I want someone who will know that if they aren't sure if I'm joking, that I am. I want somebody who shoots me an email out of know where, telling me they were thinking about my book, and wouldn't it be cool if....

I want someone who loves my book as much as I do.

Excuse me. I have to go read some agent blogs and make sure I get all this etiquette right. And go check out my friend Teresa's blog post on her editing letter. Very informative, and she always manages to throw in some good lines. Really, go find out why you need to get an ulcer, pronto!

And Kathryn Magendie has a brilliant post on the relationship betwen chipmunks and procrastinating. And M&Ms. You need to know this stuff, I promise!
Glutton for Punishment?

Partial News

I got back from taking the kids to the pool yesterday and the mailcarrier caught us in the driveway. This is odd because I have a phobia of all things regarding communication- I don't check the mail, I don't answer the phone without checking caller ID, but mostly I just can't find my phone or I've dropped it in the toilet (I did that to Nathan's phone last week. Oops.)

Anybody else identify?

Ms. Mailcarrier handed me a big envelope and somehow I didn't see it for what it was. A returned partial. The rejection letter inside surprised me- I don't mean that I wasn't prepared for a rejection (we all know what our chances are with each individual agent, right?), but somehow I hadn't realized that getting my pages returned to me was an answer all by itself, so I was still wondering what the letter would say. I won't wonder again;)

Mr. Agent was very kind and gentle with my ego. He wrote, "You're a good writer," (and how awesomely nice is that?) but that he didn't quite connect with my tone and then he did something amazing- he recommended that I contact two other agents. Which is cool, cause now I can use his name in my 'why I'm querying you' paragraph. What a huge boost to have him willing to attach his professional opinion to my work, even though he doesn't want to represent me. I truly appreciate it. 

I'm not ready to send out my queries- I only pitched to Mr. Agent because I happened to find out that he would be at a nearby, inexpensive conference, and I'm still incorporating my beta readers' comments. But, I felt that the fifty pages I sent were in really good shape, so at least I have no regrets.

I expected to be disappointed, and I guess I am, but this doesn't feel like a personal rejection (although I did get a little teary-eyed when I talked to my sister. She assured me that this was good for me, because I haven't met with a normal amount of rejection- I'd always been the one to end relationships and then my husband and I met so quickly that I missed out on rejection there, too. Isn't she sweet?)

Seriously, though, I wonder how I'll know that I'm picking the right agent instead of just accepting the first one that smiles at my MS. I want a lifetime relationship with my agent. I want to make beautiful books together and for someone to care about my stories as much as I do. Thanks for all the encouragement, blog friends. It's been nice to have people to share this ride with that have been there.

Now that I've had my first taste, I doubt I'll be talking about my specific querying efforts...unless I have some really amazing news.

I'm adding page tabs at the top, and if you're interested, you can read my first chapter. Thanks!
Glutton for Punishment?

*Checks Watch*

Time has stopped.
My good friend and crit partner Teresa has my entire manuscript and is reading it mainly for plot issues.
I have a pitch session with a real live agent at the Atlanta Writer's Conference in May, and suddenly I have a deadline. I can't be content to edit some here, take a week mulling over this scene, or try a new ending again.
I must have my manuscript ready so that this situation is possible:

I hand my query letter to Agent 001 and he glances over it. A small smile plays across his lips. "So, tell me more about how Lara is vulnerable from her empath abilities." He gets out a pen and underlines my name. He jots down something next to my contact info.
"I'm glad you asked that because that's the basis of her inner conflict. For example, when Lara is arrested, the agents are very aggressive, so she feels the same way. She has to talk herself out of attacking them and at the same time she's horrified because she's a very gentle person," I say. Was that okay?
And Agent 001 will ask me, looking deep into my eyes, if the manuscript is complete.
Back off, dude. I'm married. "Yes," I say. "Here it is. I have 20 pages, 50 pages and the full manuscript available. Limited time offer. Act now.. "It is."
"Hmmm." More notes on my query. "So, send me twenty pages. It sounds interesting. I see you went to the University of Florida. How about Billy Donovan getting another championship? Go Gators."
"Um. Yeah. Go Gators." Why are we talking about the Gators? Who cares? Talk about my book! Books! I've spent a year and a half of my life writing this pile of wood shavings! Ask me a question! "I mean, you still miss guys like Bonner and Haslem and Miller, but life goes on."

So, there's a lot to prepare for since I won't be able to google any sports names during the pitch. Just being able to talk coherently about my book will be a big accomplishment. I mean, there's a reason I'm a writer! And, Teresa, if you're reading this, thanks for the interest in my blog, but get back to work. Kidding. Of course I'm kidding. Totally kidding.
Glutton for Punishment?

Literary Agents- mars or venus?

While searching on AgentQuery.com, I realized I am more comfortable with the idea of a female agent. They don't have a male/female sort button, btw. Then I wondered why I feel that way. Be prepared for some Freudian self-analysis.

In high school and college I was more comfortable around men. That might still be true- Perhaps it might be that I hate to shop, don't feel naked without makeup, like to go fishing on my dad's boat, and love camping. I usually arrange things so that hubby is putting up the tent and I'm building the fire. I would rather drywall than mop (but who wouldn't?)Now that I have kids, I have a lot in common with other women, but I didn't feel that was true for a while.

I dress up and wear makeup several times a week- even today, when I'm not going anywhere except dropping the kids off at school. And I don't like watching a lot of sports, including-don't tell- my kids little league games. They like it, so I take them, but I'm much more proud of them when they finish a good book or do something unusually kind for each other.

Perhaps it's some strange subconscious thing with being married and 'off the market'- perhaps now that flirting is out, I don't know what to say to guys. Yet the feeling is remarkably similar to how I feel about having a female OB/GYN.
I've had both male and female doctors. It wasn't exactly more embarrassing to have a male doctor, but I never forget that he was a man. My work-in-progress is an urban fantasy romance with an empath main character and I wonder if a man could really get it. Letting someone read my story feels vulnerable and I'd rather have a woman inside my head. According to my research into detecting lies, women are better than men at white lies, so maybe I want someone who will be able to tell me things in a very nice way, more concerned with my feelings than the exact facts.

But I wonder if I'm quicker to shut out a woman's criticism than a man's. And I'm afraid of a woman being 'witchy', and I would never expect that from a man. I have this notion that men tend not to take things personally or hold on to past mistakes like women may. Whether that's true or not, I don't know.

I don't value crit partner's and teacher's and workshop member's critiques differently based on gender. I value it based on usefulness. And I've had no problems working with men or women in various areas of my life. So why do I think it matters? Does anybody else care what gender their agent is?

This prejudice aside, what really matters? Does it matter that an agency only has contact info on their one-page website? (are they unprepared for the digital age that has already arrived?) Email query or snail-mail? (emails are deleted so easily. Does a piece of paper linger in the hand longer?) What if the one-web-page agency accepts 50 pages of the manuscript? Is that positive or negative? (I'm thinking that it would be nice to know that SOMEONE has 50 pages that I wrote, but how much of that actually gets read?) Would I be comfortable with an agent who sells erotica? Would we be able to work together?

I think I want a newish agent in an established agency. Although, let's face it, I could see myself being desperate enough to press my hand on the cab window as they drive away, mouthing 'call me!' with my hand in the phone sign at my ear. I'm not a stalker yet, but maybe one day.

Ginger Clark of Curtis Brown did a podcast with her client, Jon Armstrong, in which she describes some of the hilarious/scary things authors have done- well beyond accosting an agent in the elevator. It made me feel rather rational and balanced, for a writer;)
Glutton for Punishment?

Editing and Persistance

How To Get Published

Okay, I'm not published, but here's how I'm going about it. I am writing an awesome story, and that has to be number one. I will estimate that I have spent two-hundred-fifty hours a month for seven months thus far writing a total of about 200,000 words, including all of the edits and deletions. (The finished MS should be around 100,000-110,000) I write whenever I can. Literally.

Right now, my four year old and two year old are sitting on my bed with me, playing with a deck of 'Go Fish" cards. Yesterday, when all four of the kids were playing on a big inflatable water slide at the neighbor's house, I sat out there and edited a chapter. (Thanks again for the laptop, hubby. Best birthday present ever. Ever ever ever.)

I remember when I was a kid, my grandma would pick a Harlequin Romance out of a big box that she and her sisters passed around, sit on the the swinging bench on the edge of the pond, and watch us swim for eight hours every summer day. I still don't know what she would have done if one of us had gone under. The water was brown with tannic acid from the cypress trees, and she couldn't swim. None of us drowned, so I feel okay about following her example.

Potty training while writing a book is a little more challenging, however. That's all I will say on it.

As the writing improved, I tried to get some home grown criticism, but decided it would be better for my relationship with my family if I sought impartial criticism from...impartial sources. That was tough for me. I honestly felt sick to my stomach waiting for that first crit. Down to the twentieth email notification of a new review, they all made me ill.

I'm over that; now I just get a little excited. There is a whole world of writers out there, and some of them are going to like what I'm doing, and some will have other preferences. They've all been helpful, though, since the different comments have given me new insight into what other people are bringing to the table.

So, do I start a blog, write some things so clever and interesting and helpful that people pass it on and a new weed is born? Perhaps, but I don't expect that.

Mostly I'm writing this because I want to. I have read a lot of blogs on writing: queries, synopses, hooks, POV, even articles as forward thinking as how to get a good contract!

What I hope is that the more contact I have with the writing world, the more I will understand the mindset of agents and publishers, and what they are trying to do. Why some books are published and others are not.

Is there really such a book as "this is fantastic, I couldn't put it down, but the timing is just wrong"? I'm not sure I believe in that. I think that is a nice way of saying "this is pretty good, but I don't think it will sell because it's missing 'something'."

I will not let 'something' elude me! I will be patient, waiting to query until I can read through the MS without having to stop and change anything. Seeing possibility for change is okay, but seeing something that has to change is not.

Here is my anticipated querying process, step-by-step.

1. write query (this is the hardest part. I've done four versions already)
2. send query via email (no stamps needed, no SASE- very good)
3. wonder if the query has arrived (SKIP this step! I love it! I will save three days of obssessive worry right here!)
4. wonder if they've read it.
5. three months later, still wondering if they've read it?

I am hoping that the turnaround on emailed queries is faster than this, as it is purported to be. I have a short list of agents that claim to reply within a day or two most of the time. That is extremely attractive to me. Even if it's a no, I'm okay with that.

My query is developing, just like the book has, and they'll both be ready one day. In the meantime, it has helped me answer coherently when someone asks me what I'm writing, instead of 'it's about this girl, and, um...she has this uh....problem..."

I hope that I am correct in assuming that, though I will be sick about the first round of queries I send out, it will not kill me. Then the second round will not be too bad, and eventually, agents will be just as much 'real people' to me as crit partners are. Real people who should just give my book one little chance. Pretty please?

That's my plan. Editing and persistance.

Excuse me now, I have to go mop...somehow the floor got wet.
Glutton for Punishment?